| Where I am today. The last five years have been tremendous. I've written and produced three original musicals: 1) My Big Phat Gay Musical, 2) Strangers and 3) The Velveteen Rabbit. I basically dug myself a financial grave, but I wouldn't trade any of those experiences for the world. I made my bed and now I lie in it. :) I moved to Seattle last April with my partner Lector. Why? Lots of reasons, but we both needed a change. I was unemployed for a year and Lector was only getting 7 hours a week with Lowe's. Things are better now, but our lives have a long way to go before we feel secure about our situation. Lector's working nearly full-time at Trader Joe's and it's great because we now both have health insurance. Of course, since I am still unemployed, I'm not sure being on his health insurance is the smartest way to go. I learned just recently that I could have saved six hundred dollars had I not been on his insurance because I qualify for charity. Oh well!
In Seattle, I've tried to find work, but mostly have found myself acting in theatre productions for free ... much like I did in Denver. Part of my big issue is that I'm too educated to get hired for the types of jobs I used to work and I don't have enough experience to get hired for jobs I more closely qualify for. It's a catch-22 and often, I wonder how smart it was for me to start an M.A. program. My degree will be in eLearning implementation and design. If I can actually get a job, I can find a way to work myself into the industry. The trick is getting that entry-level job that will put me in the right direction. I'm applying for at least one or two jobs every day, so we'll see what happens. I ran out of unemployment in December and now I'm just left with the school loans. Life is financially okay at this point, but talk to me in April or May. If I don't have a job by then, things might get awfully scary.
On top of all those worries, I was struck with Bell's Palsy last December. Half my face became paralyzed. Don't worry. I'm fully recovered now, but it took about a month. I knew when I had it that I would probably fully recover - most people do - but not everyone does and so when I look back on it now, it's like a nightmare I had for a very long time. Because I'm known for acting and singing and using my facial gestures in extreme ways, my identity took a huge beating. It really set me back for about 30 days. But we're all better now and I even have a new EP to show for it. My psychological state at the time was so dark that the only thing I could think of to do was make music. Besides, I had to see if I could still sing with half my face.
In fact, many friends who are familiar with my life-long journey in writing, recording and singing music have said that this EP, "Recover" is my best work to date. I think I'd have to agree. It just released today on iTunes, Amazon and other OMDs. Here's the lyrics to the first song, which shares the same title:
Recover:
You just don't know when to stop
creeps upon you when you stop
until you slow right down
feel the world come in and stop
so much time to sit and think
think about how to wink
and give a smile that got them on
the kind of smile that turned them on
I used to play him on the stage
the one who stole the freakin' show
this was a place of love
that I called home
where I belong
find a way to spend my mind
same old tricks with a bottle and a dime
is just the thing I need to come undone, unwind
I gotta' demon chasin' me
from right inside of me
and all this time to think and all this time to think
what will become of him?
what will become of me?
(how will I shine? how will I shine? how will I shine?)
When I get up, I check my face
to see if anything is new.
Go to bed, close my eyes and pray for a full recovery.
I used to play him on the stage
the one who stole the freakin' show
This was a place of love that I called home
Where I belonged
These are the thoughts that ran through my head through Christmas and the New Year. My vision has been slightly affected by the Bell's Palsy because I could not close my right eye. I don't know if there's permanent loss, but I notice that my eyes don't seem to have as much 'staying power' as they used to. Sometimes, if it's closer to the end of the night, I just can't read text that's smaller than 12pt. It's been a bit of a struggle for me with my textbooks and now I'm learning to read them earlier in the day, rather than just before bed.
So, the one thing that's the same and has been the same for much of the last ten years is I have a lot going on all the time. I suppose it's probably that way for everyone. :) I'm just going to keep trucking and doing my thing and hopefully life works itself out like everyone always says it will. |
